Self-Love for our Bodies & Sex: How Ayurveda Changed Me

Hi Friend,

Today I wanted to talk to you about self-love. What does it truly mean to love oneself? I've often heard the phrase "my body's a temple," but until recently, I never understood it.

With all the modern world of social media and TV and models and ads, our subconscious minds are constantly updating the concept of what we should look like, what type of body we should have, what type of style we should wear, what type of lifestyle we should lead, and so on and so forth. Depending on what niche of the internet/world you're on, these might differ from one to the other, but unfortunately, this subconscious coding will still be there.

What this means for us is that we begin to see our bodies as a commodity. One that needs to fit a certain standard or hold certain expectations to be happy and accepted by those we care about. And unfortunately, it does play a role in our world. Fitting a certain standard grants access to societal benefits - whether it is a subconscious edge during a job interview or free drinks from a bartender, the rewards of being what society "desires" puts a lot of pressure on those who don't fit the criteria.

My Personal Self-Love Struggles

Personally, I have struggled with this a lot as a female with body hair. From a very young age, everywhere I looked, I saw pristinely hairless bodies - whether they were models posing for a magazine, actresses in movies or TV shows, or even at school or on the beach. I don't really remember a time before girls around me started shaving or waxing or just being naturally hairless... probably because I wasn't really aware of this societal standard at the time.

As soon as I became aware of it, however, I became very conscious of my body. I was also a swimmer for many years, so to make sure I fit most of the bill, I would shave my arms and legs quite literally every day. That way, I was always ready for my daily swim practice. It was exhausting trying to maintain this daily routine while beating myself up for my genes. I was always struggling with why I couldn't have just been born without so much body hair!

I also refused to wear bikinis for many years for fear of exposing the fuzz on my stomach and my back. In fact, one friend had commented on my back when I was wearing a normal swimsuit, and I became paranoid of showing too much skin from then onward. It was horrible and draining.

Then, when I was 16, I went to New York for a week with my friend. We were out on an island in the middle of a lake with just her, her family, another family, and a couple of other kids, comprised of siblings and friends, around our age. With the brutal summer heat and the freedom of summer, I decided to not care and wore my sports bra and swim bottoms while I was there. It was so liberating. Not caring about anyone else's opinion made me feel really powerful, even though I still wasn't confident in my own skin.

When I returned home, I returned to reality and returned to mostly the same, just with the added confidence to wear crop tops and the like. Seeing my friend not shave her arms, I mostly stopped shaving mine too, but I kept up the strict discipline of my legs during the spring/summer/fall months, no matter how busy or exhausted I was.

It wasn't until I started this spiritual journey that I began truly appreciating my body as it is. Because I began to love myself for who I am and the person I was growing into, I automatically started loving this beautiful, strong vessel I live in as well. My body hasn't changed, but I've come to not only accept it, but I no longer want to change it for anyone else.

Now, when I epilate, I do it for myself. I do it because I want to and because it'll make me feel good, rather than the super toxic approach I used to have where I did it because I hated my body as it was. I'm grateful for my body the way it is because it's the body I was born with.

Why I Finally Believe That my Body is a Temple

This appreciation for my body deepened even further when I took an Ayurveda class fully dedicated to women's health and reproduction. In high contrast to the Health class perspective I'd been exposed to of a biological understanding of sex prior to watching a movie of birth with extensive visuals of the mother screaming and crying from pain and blood everywhere, this Ayurveda class showed the beauty of both sex and reproduction, and the power of a woman's body.

Firstly, Ayurveda approaches sex not only as a natural physical union between two individuals but also as a spiritual union between two souls. While I always had that idea in mind, the way the class explained it profoundly changed the way I view sex.

Essentially, when two people have sex, they share their energy intimately with each other. This exchange of energy can heavily impact your physical, emotional, and mental wellbeing, so it's extremely important to protect your energy by being particular about who you sleep with. More importantly, when you choose to exchange this energy by making this union about connecting your souls, the act is much more pleasurable and has a deeper impact on your bond with each other.

From sex, they go on to describe reproduction as the creation of a new soul. This was what blew my mind. The guru emphasized the importance of a woman's health by emphasizing the fact that this body would not only build an entirely functional human from a single cell but would also be the home for a new soul. This perspective finally led to the realization that "Oh my god, this body I have right now has the ability to make another living being inside me."

When I say my mind was blown... I mean it was blown. All of a sudden the enormity of the strength and power residing in my body just hit me, and I felt the desire to want to take care of my body. I wanted to show my body love and tenderness and compassion because this was the same body that could do so many powerful and incredible things. To treat it as anything less would be doing myself a huge injustice.

So, how has this changed me?

Now, when I look at my body, I don't just see a physical vessel that I'm stuck in. I see the life force that resides in my body and the life force that my body is capable of creating and the power that resides within this vessel. And I feel more inclined to love my body and appreciate my body and take care of it.

Now, it's not always easy. These past many weeks, I've started letting my self-love slide. From not making fresh meals daily and not eating Ayurvedically (or even healthily) and not doing Abhyanga and not showering regularly, I'd been really mistreating my body.

I started incorporating some self-love routines into my Sundays, like doing a face mask, hair mask, and Abhyanga and taking a long, hot shower, but I still wasn't treating my body right because I was still neglecting my diet.

This morning, when I cleaned my apartment for the week, I finally decided to go into the kitchen and clear the space of any negative energy that resides there. I filled my diffuser with the "Detox" essential oils mix and let it run for a couple hours, and when I walked into my kitchen next, it felt wholly different. It was at that moment I realized just how much I had been mistreating my body because I had let such a sacred space be so neglected and fill with so much negativity. And I had been feeding my body this negative energy for so long without even thinking about it and caring.

Of course, I immediately reset my course and made a nice, Ayurvedic meal for dinner and went to additional pains to make the kitchen extra clean, and of course, I felt really good afterward too. I also know I'm human and that I might relapse at some point, but I intend to make gratitude for my body a part of my daily gratitude practice, so I never forget.

Our bodies truly are our temples - they give our minds a home, our souls a means to adventure, and our hearts the ability to love and show love. Our bodies enable our entire human experience, and for women, they enable us to create entirely new lives within us. If we don't treat our bodies with the utmost respect and reverence, it really is an injustice to ourselves.

Sending you love,

Shreya